Question ~ What has been the hardest part about fighting cancer and dealing with the surgeries, treatments, etc?
Answer ~ The hardest part of the whole process has been missing out on so much of my children's/family's lives. All of the surgeries, treatments, and doctors appointments take up so much of your time and then the medicated state you are in half of the time from it... I may have been there, but there is a good portion that I wasn't there for, or can't remember due to the medicated state that I constantly found myself in. Part of it being Chemotherapy, part of it being pain medications from surgeries.
Question ~ Does it hurt when they access your port?
Answer ~ Right after the surgery for the port to be put in place, it was very tender to touch and access the port. After about two weeks the tenderness went away and now it doesn't hurt to access. The only thing I notice is the chill that I get when they flush it. I don't even notice the port most of the time!
Question ~ How long do you have to keep your port?
Answer ~ It is recommended that for my situation that I either keep it for five years after remission or for life. At this point, I have mad the decision to keep it for life. With the extensive surgeries that I have had to undergo I am no longer able to have them access my arms for IV's, and in an emergency it is imperative that they can get immediate access to a vein. If I keep the port, it will ensure immediate access, and not put my Lymphatic system or life in jeopardy.
Question ~ What was your first thought when you were told that you had Breast Cancer?
Answer ~ My gut reaction was, "What about my family? Who is going to take care of my kids? What do I need to do in order to ensure that this is not all on Nick?" I had a hard time telling my family, I didn't want the "poor you, poor you" I wanted the, "We are going to kick it's ass and that will be that!" I was scared of a pity party, or not getting the right support when it was needed or getting through it and seeing that my children would know it. If I wasn't going to make it, I did not want my children to know it. I wanted them to just have normalcy and see me has happy as long as they could! And I wanted the same for my husband, I didn't all the burden of life to be on him, I wanted him to continue to live a normal life and have as much normalcy as possible.
Question ~ How did you tell the kids about your diagnosis?
Answer ~ Honestly I couldn't, Nick had to tell the kids. I was such an emotional basket case!! We decided to have a light easy day with their favorite dinner! We ate dinner and then asked them to come sit back down because we had something to talk to them about. It wasn't right away when we told them, but within the week we had told them due to them wanting to start treatment immediately. Nick had said, "you know how Mom has been going to the doctor a lot and had surgeries and they were looking for something specific? Well the doctor let her know that she is going to be sick for a while and that it will be a hard road." Of course we all know Andrew, "What kind of sick? What does she have? What is the name?" Nick had to say the words, and it stung, CANCER.... And earlier that week in school the kids learned about Leukemia, in which the child passes away... I saw the look in both their eyes, my heart was beating fast and I wanted to stop it all, but I didn't want them to hear about it from someone else. I wanted to be honest and answer their questions and ease what fears I could! Mecina, real quietly asks, "What kind?" "Breast Cancer", Nick said. "I KNEW IT", Mecina said!! Apparently when we try to keep them from the truth to try and keep them from getting hurt, it all ends up the same in the end... The kids were not happy about what we had to tell them but were full of support from the beginning!
Question ~ What gives you the courage to go through this battle?
Answer ~ The courage to go through this journey and each and every battle that I have had from the very beginning has come from my family, friends, and those that lost their fight in this very battle! Just in this last year that I have been battling Cancer I have seen more and more young women diagnosed, fight and lose this battle! It is a hard thing to watch someone my age go through this and not come out of it! I get my courage from them, those that have never wavered, those that had courage to the end for their children and families! And with my true family and friends sticking by my side every step of the way, it gives me extra courage to get through it for them and to be able to pay it forward!
Question ~ Where do you find your strength?
Answer ~ I get my strength from my family and friends!! Every time I get a hug from my kids, or a kiss from my husband or a letter in the mail from a friend; it gives me a little more strength each time! I need to be strong for my children to learn and understand that no matter what life throws at you, you can fight it with a little courage and strength! If they see the strength that I posses to get from one day to the next, then if one day, God forbid, they have to deal with what I have, they will remember my strength and courage, and it will help them fight the hell that has been put before them!
Question ~ Do you think being a surrogate and/or an egg donor had anything to do with you getting Breast Cancer?
Answer ~ Yes and No! The type of Breast Cancer that I was diagnosed with had been there for a while, I would have found it eventually anyway, weather or not I was a surrogate. I just happen to get lucky that when I was trying to be a surrogate for a second time, that the doctors were extra thorough, which in turned saved my life! While being a surrogate and an egg donor contributed in the fact that my Cancer grew a little faster, it did not cause my cancer! Me being a surrogate only helped the Cancer grow faster because I was Hormone receptor positive. Not all Breast Cancers are hormone receptor positive, and some are positive with more than one hormone. Making the tumor grow faster the more hormone it gets! I was ultimately feeding my cancer exactly what it needed and wanted in order for it to grow. This does not mean being a surrogate or an egg donor that you will get cancer, it is actually not true! It has no impact on weather you will or will not! I would not change my decisions to be a surrogate or an egg donor even if I were aware of the situation ahead of time! And if my body would have allowed me, I would have done it again in a heart beat. Now we all know that is no longer an option for me. So I will be grateful for what I have been allowed to do for others and continue on helping others in a different form!
Question ~ How has the Cancer Changed you?
Answer ~ I think having Cancer has made me more aware of the little things in life. Made me open my eyes to the life that I currently have and cherish it and everyone in it! Before Breast Cancer, I did not care if it rained, or if what I was eating was organic, or even good for me, or how it would affect my health. NOW every time it rains I listen to it, enjoy it and embrace it. When I make a decision about what I am eating I now know how it could adversely affect me, and I care. When doing my daughter's hair I don't get frustrated, I relax and enjoy it because I know that tomorrow is NEVER promised and what is promised is here and now, so I have to enjoy and embrace whatever here and now I am currently in!
Question ~ Do you worry about the Cancer Returning or spreading?
Answer ~ Yes, who wouldn't?! lol I think the main thing is if it returns, I'll fight it, and put forth every effort that I have thus far in this battle! If it spreads, well then I guess I will thank God for the time I have been given and pray for more! I will also be praying that I am given the strength to kick it again! I will also pray for advances in modern medicine that will allow me to do so, and or allow Cancer to be cured! I made a pact with my doctor! I said, "If you help me make it to my children's graduations, I will be the best guardian angel for your grandchildren!" "DEAL!" he said! With him on my side, and my family and friends fighting with me, "I fear no evil"!
Question ~ What have been your outlets or releases??
Answer ~ Family, friends, walking, photography and writing! Sometimes in life you need to let it all, sometimes you need to allow it to seep out, and sometimes it needs to explode! When you have all of the outlets listed above you are able to do all of that! Unfortunately family and friends get most of the explosions, but those explosions can be good explosions too! If you have someone that you can talk with and just have them listen it makes each day easier! Walking is great for you mind and body, it allows things to slowly seep out of your brain and into your steps making it a less volatile way of you clearing your thoughts! Writing is a great release for you to look back and reflect on your feelings and maybe share them. Allows all types of thoughts and feelings to come flowing out as quick or as slow as you need them! As for photography, that has been a little bit of an emotional outlet, which I feel is important. You need to be able to see your self at the lowest of lows and the highest of highs! This allows you to fight forward away from the lows and shoot for when you were at your highest of highs! Photography is also a great way to document your entire process and reflect on it!
Question ~ What made you want to do a 3-Day?? That is 60 miles in 3 days, it seems a little excessive.
Answer ~ One night after one of my treatments I couldn't sleep, and I was sitting up watching TV feeling sorry for myself. A 3-Day Commercial came on the TV and I started crying, as I was watching it, and I had started doing research and knew that my treatments should be done in time for the 3-day in San Francisco, which was near me! I knew this was the perfect way to keep my body moving and motivated in doing something besides sitting on my couch feeling sorry for myself! So without hesitation I signed up for it before my mind would allow me to talk myself out of it! I was a little in shock when I did it, thinking, it may actually be a little too much! lol Then I talked to my doctor and she said, "I don't see why not! As long as you are four weeks out and you listen to your body, you have my blessings!" It was just the push I needed to keep my body moving and keep me from getting depressed! I always knew that if I passed up a chance to walk, that I would regret it later when the time came to actually walk the 60 miles! And when I walked the 3-day, I was not able to walk all 60 miles, but I did walk a good portion of it and It was an amazing experience that I will never ever forget! It was so life lifting that I plan on making this a yearly event! It is important to me and to my children that we raise awareness for young women, women and men everywhere. I want to find a cure before my daughter is old enough to receive a call like mine that changed my whole world!!
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