Tomorrow the second part of Phase two begins!

I get to begin my morning taking two drugs that begin my Chemo Medication Journey! I am probably the most Anxiety filled that I have ever been!! I was not this stressed or anxiety ridden back in 2004 when I first took a Chemotherapy drug for the Cervical Cancer... However, this is different, way different, Oral medication is different from the IV Medication! And the IV medication is way stronger! So I suppose we will see how it goes!!!

I am hoping that after Tuesday, my First IV Chemotherapy treatment, that my Anxiety will settle down!! I need to be able to find an outlet that will calm me besides cooking! Lol I love cooking and eating but I'm guessing that both are going to be out of the question by Wednesday! I am hoping that sleeping will win out the vomit or nausea, but I suppose we will have to see with that too!! My kids are already hating this process!! My daughter has had a cough for the past few days and I have been making her wear a mask to try and keep germs from floating around the house! W have also been sanitizing EVERYTHING in site multiple times a day! She hates it!! All she wants to do is just cuddle together, and we can't! :( I just want to be able to hold her and give her lots of kisses and hugs and love her to pieces! As Andrew would say, it's just not fair! And Andrew is just starting to get a cough, so I am hoping these are just coughs and not a big deal, and all the little germs are contained and I do NOT get sick from this! I need my kids to be okay and I need to be okay for my kids!! This week I start Chemotherapy and my daughter also turns 9! Wow!! And then the day after my son turns 10, I have my second treatment! This is totally not fair to the kids! It is just not right!! The kids should be out of the house and not little kids before I have or deal with this crap, if ever! I was only 28 when diagnosed with the rarest type of Breast Cancer there is! What of that makes any since?! I thought going through Cancer once was hard enough, but nooooo.... I had to go and get it again and then we just had to add a little extra fun into it and add Breast Cancer on top of the Cervical cancer! >_< it is so aggravating!!! This better be it! After all is said and done, I will have lost my ability to bear children, donate eggs so anyone else can have children, and the ability to look into a mirror and see my own breasts! BUT! I will still have my family, friends and life! So let's just not add any more crap onto what life I have left after all of this is said and done because let's face it, I'm already tired and God knows my husband and kids are as well!

Okay, I think I have relieved some of the Anxiety and stress! :) I promise to keep up with my updates as much as my body will allow! :)