Beautiful women! They are everywhere!! And when you are diagnosed
with Breast Cancer you seem to see them even more! The luscious lips,
"ghetto" booty, long legs, and a great bust! Face it, everyone looks,
everyone notices, and everyone thinks about it in some what shape or form.
Weather it be, "I am way hotter than them!', "Man I want a rack like
that!", her skin is SO perfect!", "She should really cover
up!", or even "I wonder what I would look like in that?"....
Either way your mind wanders, different
ways and different directions, but when something like your breasts are taken
away from you at such a young age, I found myself HATING! I hated beautiful
women, confidant women, women that could wear a low cutting shirt, or a
bikini... I was just pissed!!! And then, you take my hair away too! Suddenly, I
even hated men! If they had great hair, or even hair that wasn't falling out, I
hated them! I was jealous!! Why is all I kept asking, and then the ultimate
kicker, "we took her breasts, we took her hair, let’s take her ovaries and
ability to have children too!" Yep, that was the real kicker, the one that
sent me on overload! I hated everyone, I did not care who they were or why they
were there, what they looked liked or even acted like! I just was mad, mad that
everything was happening to me, and I was no longer the "beautiful"
woman that I had saw myself as!
This all changed over time but made a
drastic change back when I had taken my children to school one day and this beautiful
lady was waiving me down... "I don't know her" I thought, hmmmm
"should I stop?" but she was certainly instant, so I stopped pulled
over, and waited for her to run up to my car, smiles and all. I rolled down my
window, smiled and said, "Is something wrong?" And it was like she
hit me with a brick I was so stunned at what came out of her mouth as I sat in
front of my child's school! "How dare you come in here and walk around
without any hair or a scarf on your head!! You have no right to show my daughter
that this is okay for a woman to be seen in public like this!!" WHAT?! Was
this woman for real?! I seriously took a few seconds to respond to her! I was
in such shock and in such a state that I was so emotionally raw, that I
seriously just looked at her and said, "I am sorry you feel this way and
that you are having a bad day! Try to have a better one!" I rolled up my
window and drove off! I was in shock; did I just imagine what had happen? Did
she really say that to me? Did she really go out of her way to make sure that
she had said this to me, to my face, before I could even get off of the school
grounds?
My shock soon wore off and started to turn
to rage! I was pissed! What if, God forbid, this woman got cancer, or even
worse, her daughter that she spoke of!? Would she stoop so low to make herself
or her daughter feel worse about being in public without hair??? I really
started to question the way I looked at things, and how I felt. And suddenly
all these beautiful people around me were not so beautiful anymore! They may be
beautiful to look at, but their attitude and what they had to say was really
ugly half the time! People are rude, people knock you down, and people expect
to be treated with respect without giving respect in return! That, if you are the
most beautiful woman/man in the world will suddenly make you the ugliest
person!!! DON'T BE AN UGLY PERSON!!
Suddenly, I had all the confidence in the
world! I WAS still beautiful! I was here, I was fighting back to be healthy, I
still had my family, my children, and my life! Although it was the best of all
things to make me feel beautiful again, I remembered that I will have icing on
my cake some day! I will have implants to make me look "normal", and
my hair, it is growing back, and I had been given the "ALL CLEAR"
with Cancer! I was in remission!!! That made the cake the most amazing cake! I
was beautiful, inside and out and no one was going to tell me different! I was
going to be a beautiful person that my children could be proud of and learn
from! My children will learn that no matter what life throws at you, you still
need to have a beautiful attitude and THAT will define you, not your waist
line, how great your ass looked in heals, or how big your breasts were!
Below is a series of pictures taken over
the last year of me, and in all I feel I AM beautiful! Bald, Before Treatment,
Walking in the 3-day, during treatments and surgeries, during a photo shoot, a
current shot, wearing a scarf or a wig!
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